Finding My Purpose, Again!

Finding My Purpose, and Moral Compass
For the past 12 years and a bit I have been living in a personal hell. People will say “you look fine to me” to me. Yes ,but as they say, “you cannot judge a book by it’s cover“. I had gotten so used to wearing a mask of happiness, that even I had no clue when I was happy or not. At the end of the day, most of my emotions are stuck to anger or sadness. I feel happiness when I wake up in the middle of the night, knowing I am safe in my home! I felt lost in my purpose! Finding purpose within my own community after Afghanistan. Finding purpose in my own life after the military.
I have found my reason!

Finding Purpose Once More!

start of my PTSD

What Is My Purpose?

I have been to more doctors than I can count over the past 4 years since leaving the military. Why did I not see any while serving? The risk of facing ridicule was far to great! So rather than risk some words from “friends”, I risked my physical and mental health. I was allowing my issues to fester, grow, and consume me. So much so that now I can’t lift my own daughter without some sort of pain in my knees, back or shoulders. Hell, a few days ago I couldn’t even walk up and down the stairs without agony.
I also have a very hard time leaving my house. There are days I want to go do something as simple as going to the gym. But, my demons take over! They talk me out of getting dressed, I fight them! They refuse to let me eat, I fight. I want to start my truck, but they say NO! This is where I find myself, sitting on the couch, feeling guilt. I let my demons Win!
Someday I will win the war, even if it’s one battle at a time. Wars aren’t won over night they say, and neither is overcoming Mental Health issues. But, I have realized from the writing of these posts, I was able to find purpose again!
I want to help others who may be suffering like myself. Who struggle daily, not heard, understood, or helped. I wish to #BreakTheStigma!
This Is My Purpose!

#BreakTheStigma With Me!

I have decided to make a section for you! Yes, I said you! I want to hear your story, I want to be your shoulder! If you are ready, feel free to register and share your story in the Your Story section now! If you are not ready to share your story using your real name, feel free to email me, and I can post it for you with no name. Whatever you send me, I promise will stay between you and I!

#BreakTheStigma and share your story today!

The Hardest Part?

The hardest part for me with starting this blog, was sitting down and starting it. So many times I have written these events out, to burn them, or delete them. But once, I was able to hit that publish button. I have found such a great sense of relief upon starting! I even feel a slight ease of sorts in my life now.
Am I cured?
Hell No!
Am I heading in a safe and healthy direction? Damn right, or at least for me. This may not work for everyone. Some need medication, I take 3-6 pills daily, for pain and my Mental Health issues. You may need one-on-one help with a trained doctor, I have done this more times than I can count now. EMDR helped for awhile, but when I had a medication change, it brought me to a hard place.
What I am trying to say is this; the first step is admitting you have an issue! The biggest step is making the decision to finally do something about it! When you are ready, you will know. No two people will be ready at the same time!
But those two people can support each other!

Let’s Create A Network!

Let us create a network of brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers and whoever else wants to join. Let us have each others backs, and support, uplift and listen. We do not need to cure each other, listening and giving a safe space to share is all we need do.
Let’s make a pledge today to #BreakTheStigma!
Like this post and share it with others who may need to hear this!
The End For Now..

This is where I am going to stop for now, but it is just the start! I don’t know what else to say right now, other than remember you do not have to live in silence with any form of PTSD! It feels good to write this out, even though it kills my stomach and makes me want to almost puke. Thank you for listening. I hope this made sense. Feel free to comment if you want clarity on something or have a question.

Peace and Love

“Living with PTSD, Not Suffering”



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