Know When Your Ready!
Have you ever woken up, and it just feels like maybe everything is coming together, where you say to yourself “I Am Ready“. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still have my demons I am fighting with
(PTSD), I have my physical pain as well. But, I don’t know. Tonight while streaming I just felt like everything was right! I know I am on the right path, I know I can do this, and I know I will. Yes there will be days that I am down, that I need to reach out, but remain silent instead. However, for once I feel like I am going to defeat my demons!
I always preach #BreakTheStigma, especially when it comes to men suffering with a mental illness. I am victim of it as well, I tried to hide it, act tough, and it got me nowhere. It made me angry, resentful, and a very short fuse. Which in turn caused a lot of pain to those I loved and cared for. Not a day goes by that I don’t get upset with the fact I moved away from my son. My son was everything to me, his birth was what really started me on the path to want to get better! But, with leaving him, it took me off the path, and with that had me in a dark place again. I did meet my wife and yes we have our ups and downs like any couple. I love her, more than I probably show or say. But, I can honestly say I can not picture my life with out her in it!
So, in 2018 I sought out help. I started on a medication plan, along with one on one therapy. I have since gone through a lot of medication testing, and have now, perhaps found one that works for me. Still too early to say, only started this one about 3 weeks ago. As I did my therapy, I joined a group therapy to learn CBT, Cognitive behavioral therapy, however I found myself in a heightened state every time I drove there. I live about 30 minutes from the site, and have to drive through a major city. When I am on the road, it is not good. I become very anxious, and angry. I scare my wife, and I scare myself.
I started to miss appointments, was removed from the CBT group due to missing to many days. I than started to miss my one on ones as well. And early this year they suspended my attending their clinic until I am ready to commit. I felt very defeated. Like I let my whole family down. But most of all myself. I want to better myself, and be a better person. I want my demons to be in my control.
There are things I want to forget. War is something you will never forget. When that leaks over to your civilian life, it can be very messy. I had moment from Afghanistan start to meld with my home life. I still have a very hard time sleeping due to this. I have tried so much, but for myself the best thing that has worked is CBD for the pain, and THC to allow me to relax and fall asleep. Now, this works for myself, it may not work for you or someone else. Be sure to do your research on different strains and find one that works for you.
I want to start to share some of my stories. I want to put it out there. Not for attention, pity or whatever. I just find that if I sit down and write it down. It can help me to ground it
Folks, I implore you to help push me to do this. I am on the edge. I am wanting to do this. But, there is still that one voice, that is telling me to stop, don’t be a pussy, get the sand out your Va****! The military and the government preach care for troops. But, within the ranks is where it needs to start. It is hard to open up and share, when you see those who do get chastised for doing so.
So, I ask you keep me to this. DM me, my discord is MysticMikeLive#6792, my twitter is @MysticMikeLive! You can leave a comment here!
I am ready! I am ready I am READY!